a suppository stuck in between the buildings of Barcelona

The Torre Agbar is 145 meters high and has 38 floors, four of which are underground, but it is not the tallest skyscraper in Barcelona, or better still it not even seem to be a skyscraper to judge from the shape.

The (French) architect who conceived the shape of the tower tried to explain that he was inspired by the image of a rising water geyser and that, with all the stuff Gaudí left all around the city, the Agbar Tower was absolutely serious in his opinion. Now, for sure the architect is not entirely wrong, but this time the Barcelonans have been at least backstabbed.

are we sure the Rambla is a tourist attraction?

La Rambla of Barcelona is the long street that from Plaça de Catalunya, center of the city, leads to a few meters from the sea, where there is the Christopher Columbus Monument, el Mirador de Colón. According to someone Barcelona without the Rambla would be nothing because many people think the spirit of the city is concentrated there; according to others this street is considered as the best place where you can indulge in the Spanish ritual of paseo, or passeig as they call it in Catalunya.

In reality the Rambla is nothing else but a cauldron in which every day mimes from the doubtful abilities and distasteful living statues, buskers, caricaturists, sellers that try to saddle you with everything, ad-libbed fortune tellers take service. In short, you will find on this street anyone who has had to invent a job somehow or other. The only merit of these people? Not choosing to become pickpockets. Perhaps they would find much more fierce competition.

I do not think these are the characteristics of a place that wants to be a symbol of a city and letter of introduction for tourists. Have you seen that one in the picture? I leave you decide if he makes crying or laughing. In any case, I would not get a photo with him.

Furthermore all the streets that constitute the district of El Raval flow onto the Rambla. We are talking about the old Barri Xino (namely the old Barcelonan 'Chinatown'), today a popular district essentially populated by plenty of Pakistanis, Moroccans, Filipinos and Romanians immigrants many of them living on the edge of society. A den of pickpockets at any time of day and night offering live performances of robbery both in the streets of the Raval and on the Rambla, gypsies who sell flowers under the pretext of trying to take off your wallets and cheats inviting you to play the game of three bells.

You will realize you were talking with a snatcher only when, on leaving, you will find your pockets lighter. So, watch out to unknown people who try to chat up with you, seeming nice and trying not let you go until they have finished their job. Probably they will ask you questions about where you bought your trousers or about how much you paid for your belt to start to get their hands on and take off something from your pockets, provided that they have not done it before in the confusion of the crowd.

The market of prostitution deserves a separate mention. Especially overnight, but also during the day, in the innermost streets of the neighbourhood it offers bad taste scenes in Barcelona. Would you have a good time walking at night in the surroundings of what should be one of the greatest market in Europe (we are talking about the market of Boqueria) and find condoms thrown all over to be shifted with your feet, if not even shameless sexual performances offered by young girls kneeling or bending ahead to their clients between the columns of the market?

If this should be the symbol of a city, then so much better to live in the desert.

accade a Barcellona − 26-50

A Barcellona...

26. ...se ti rubano una bici comprata dal mercato delle bici rubate, nel caso provassi a ricomprartela può anche capitare di ritrovarla con quel piccolo difetto riparato.

27. ...è bene ricordarsi che per andare in bici è necessario possedere almeno un sellino.

28. ...lasciare un sellino indifeso in strada è come lasciare un neonato in una famiglia di pedofili, con la differenza che la polizia non indagherebbe mai sulla scomparsa di un sellino.

29. ...oltre al mercato delle bici rubate, c’è anche quello degli accessori rubati, sellini ad esempio.

30. ...i proprietari montano qualsiasi tipo di accessorio sulle proprie bici, i ladri pure ma con il segno invertito.

31. ...nelle stazioni della metro fa un caldo infernale, vi scioglierete, ma nei vagoni della metro fa un freddo glaciale; in pratica salirete sul treno in una forma e scenderete in un’altra.

32. ...le scale nelle stazioni della metro non sempre sono mobili dall’inizio alla fine; non tenere a mente questo aspetto potrebbe portare a sostare sulle scale per tempi lunghissimi.

33. ...a volte potreste avere l’impressione di arrivare a destinazione prima con l’autobus che con la metro; non è un’impressione: le linee della metro sono state tracciate in stile Gaudí.

34. ...per arrivare a prendere la metro stanno pensando di realizzare una linea in direzione verticale: si sono resi conto di aver scavato troppo.

35. ...la linea 7 della metro è la linea marrone, non la prende mai nessuno.

36. ...non sapete mai quando gli autobus passano alla vostra fermata; in compenso potete sapere quando passano a qualche fermata prima o qualche fermata dopo, interpolate.

37. ...i conducenti degli autobus vengono attentamente selezionati in base alla loro capacità di dare risposte inutili agli utenti del servizio, tranne quello del 46.

38. ...meglio scendere alla fermata precedente che a quella successiva.

39. ...quando prenoti la fermata dell’autobus quasi non se ne accorge nessuno.

40. ...se non prenoti la fermata, ed il conducente è dispettoso, ti fa saltare un turno.

41. ...c’è un servizio di autobus notturni, ma non è per la gente per bene. È stato creato per riportare a casa ubriachi e prostitute.

42. ...il numero di persone ubriache che trovate sugli autobus notturni, i Nitbus, è tanto più grande quante più persone ubriache restano a piedi.

43. ...c’è chi pensa che sono gli stessi Nitbus a rendere ubriache le persone che vi salgono per un qualche strano effetto.

44. ...se volete provare l’ebbrezza di trovarvi in mezzo a tossici e prostitute alle 4:00 del mattino a velocità sostenuta, i Nitbus sono l’ideale.

45. ...più alto è l’effetto di alcohol e stupefacenti, tanto maggiore è l’inefficacia del servizio di autobus notturni.

46. ...spesso i Nitbus girano vuoti perché la gente è talmente ubriaca che non riesce a trovare la fermata dell’autobus.

47. ...spesso i Nitbus girano vuoti perché la gente è talmente ubriaca che anche se riesce a trovare la fermata
finisce per addormentarsi nell’attesa che arrivi l’autobus.

48. ...molti ubriachi dormono alle fermate degli autobus.

49. ...prima di uscire per una notte di droga e alcohol le persone si mettono sempre d’accordo su chi debba restare sobrio per riportare tutta la cricca a casa. In genere viene sorteggiato sempre l’autista del Nitbus.

50. ...spesso gli autisti dei Nitbus scioperano perché non condividono quanto accade al punto 49.

will the witches of these gingerbrad houses be bad?

This time Antoni Gaudí made one bigger than usual. In Barcelona there is a public park representing one of the symbols of the Catalan capital you can’t miss if you are planning to visit this city: we are talking about Parc Güell.

An industrialist from Barcelona, a certain Eusebi Güell Bacigalupi, had earned a lot of money to be able to buy a hill, called El Carmel. Not knowing how else burn his money, at the early years of the twentieth century he commissioned to the architect Antoni Gaudí (what a coincidence!) the realization of a park upon his hill. No one knows how it happened, it has been perhaps boredom, or hallucinogens Gaudí evidently used, making him feel fantastic sensations, but it remains a fact that the ‘coolest’ architect of Barcelona decided to satisfy all his whims and in this work he showed its best. The result is an artwork full of ceramics, mosaics, decorations that recall animals and natural elements, buildings and houses in a fairytale style and, the icing on the cake, a very famous salamander that welcomes visitors at the park entrance.

In reality, as also in other cases, the work of Gaudí is left unfinished; in fact, it was planned the construction of several houses in the park, but again Gaudí forgot how to conclude his work not having realized a shred of project. Just few of many provided houses were completed and in one of them Gaudí himself lived for several years, probably because he had no longer the courage to return in the city.

It is said that Mr Güell kicked away Gaudí when he saw what he had done to his hill. However Mr Güell really can not complain about it, he should expect such a joke from someone like Gaudí.

the Sagrada Família lives in an abusive house

It is said that the Sagrada Família is an abusive construction. Over one hundred years of concrete mixers, cranes and concrete castings and nobody has pointed out the thing. The construction conceived by Antoni Gaudí has not even the building permission. Among other things there is not even the project of the work in question, so we cannot imagine how the building permission could exist.

Let be passable that someone wants to build his own little carport for his car ignoring the existing urban planning regulations and proceeding in the ‘traditional’ way, but there is a quite slight difference in letting start a one hundred years construction. Imagine how could the Barcelonans remain if tomorrow they say them that the most representative work of the ‘arquitecto de Dios’ should be removed piece by piece. Let them see it completed at least once.